last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
