Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i now understand why vodka
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
