loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
