I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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