four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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