your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
