so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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