I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my shit smells like andre
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
