my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
