I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
