Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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