if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
