Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
