What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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