Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
