You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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