All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
another moral hangover. fuck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
