I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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