addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
