I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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