Your mouth is God's brothel.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
