I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
