Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
