True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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