Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
