First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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