Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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