If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
