im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
