Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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