And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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