Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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