Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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