Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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