I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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