He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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