I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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