Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
