I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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