And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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