I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
