i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
