she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
