Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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