My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
