The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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