no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
