he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
