I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
