I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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