come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
