We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
