You really coming over, don't trick.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
