Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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